Compassion for Your Inner Self: Healing from Religious Trauma

The Missing Piece of Compassion

Dealing with religious trauma can leave you feeling stuck, judged, or like you’re carrying around your whole family’s or church’s shame. It can make you question your worth, replay painful memories, or feel trapped by rules and messages you didn’t choose. Starting to look inward can feel overwhelming, like you’re trying to untangle a knot that’s been tied for years. Perhaps the missing piece is learning to give yourself compassion, treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially toward those parts of you that were hurt when you were younger. Start imagining those younger parts that hold the burden of shame. Connecting with your pain gives yourself a chance to feel seen, supported, and acknowledged in ways you may not have experienced before.

Below are two exercises that provide simple ways to connect with your inner self and offer support from the present. They guide you to notice what you feel, what beliefs you are holding, and how you can respond in a way that feels safe, validating, and accepting. You don’t need to do them perfectly —just a willingness to slow down, pay attention to your own experience, and give yourself the same kindness you often show to others, but rarely to yourself. Even spending just a few minutes on this can start to shift how you relate to your memories, your emotions, and your spiritual identity.

Talking to Your Younger Self

Step 1: Visualize Your Past Self (or Similar Child)

- Imagine your younger self in a situation of past trauma, distress, rejection, or aloneness.

- Connect slowly with how that child felt at the time (work slowly in finding this connection, as it can often be very overwhelming if done too quickly).

Step 2: Identify Feelings and Beliefs

- Notice the feelings the child is experiencing (e.g., sadness, shame, fear).

- Recognize any negative beliefs the child formed about themselves (e.g., 'I'm bad,' 'It's my fault').

Step 3: Express Compassionate Acceptance

- Offer acceptance and love directly to that child by saying internally or out loud something like:

"I know what you are feeling, and it's okay to feel that. I accept you and love you exactly where you

are. Just so you know, I don't think what happened was your fault, and I don't think you're bad. I'm

here for you, even if you feel you are bad."

Step 4: Provide Comfort

- Imagine providing comfort (e.g., a hug, reassurance, presence) or even taking your younger self to safe place together.

The Compassionate Other

Step 1: Identify a Compassionate Figure

- Think of someone or something that embodies compassion, kindness, wisdom, and unconditional

acceptance. This could be a real person, imaginary figure, spiritual presence, or even your future

self.

Step 2: Feel the Compassion

- Focus on what their love and care feels like as if they were with you in the present.

- Notice sensations of warmth, safety, comfort, or relief that arise.

Step 3: Dialogue with Compassionate Figure

- Imagine this compassionate figure directly addressing your current pain, saying something like:

"It's okay to feel this way. I understand this is hard, and you're doing what you can to find peace and

do what is right-even if it doesn't always seem to work. You're good just the way you are. You're not

alone; many people struggle as you do. What do you need in this moment to carry on?"

Optional Step: Reflect and Respond

- Notice your internal response and reflect on what you might need or how you might comfort

yourself in this moment.

Carrying Support With You

Practicing these exercises won’t make painful experiences disappear, but they can help you change the way you carry them. Strangely, we often carry the wisdom and acceptance we need within ourselves. Over time, offering yourself this kind of care can soften self-criticism, and remind you that you are allowed to be human, make mistakes, and still be worthy of love and acceptance. Healing isn’t linear—it comes in small steps of visiting our hurt parts. Be patient with yourself, and notice the small ways you begin to feel safer when you provide compassion in ways no one else can.

For many, these exercises can bring up a lot emotions, and you may need help going through these exercises with a therapist. If you are interested in learning more about my counseling practice, click the button below to get started on your mental health journey.